This parody was written last minute for a Valentine’s Day performance…




Sorry, E.B.B.

How do I love me?

Let me count the ways!


I love me for my humor

For the small scar on my lip,

I love me despite the rumors

And the fullness of my hips


I love me for my patience

Except that I have none;

I love my workaholic self

Who’s always on the run


I love me when I sleep late,

When my flowers finally bloom

I love me when I daydream

Beneath the stars, beneath the moon


Yet I don’t always, always love me

I’m afraid that this is true;

I think it’s time for me to ask

Why do you love you?